(Let me just preface this blog with saying that I don't care who you date.... If you love him you love him. As long as you are not dating my man it's no issue to me. Don't take this blog in offense because there is definitely a moral to this story!)
Verse of the Day
For he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sendeth rain on the just and the unjust. -Matthew 5:45
Quote of the Day
“You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.” -Erica Jong
Okay, so how many times have you set around with your girlfriends and talked about how some random man was dogging his white girlfriend (unbeknownst to her). I have been in company with women who see a black man with a white woman (and as look upon them with a look of disdain) they say....."Takin all of our black men..... and they stay because she (the white chick) lets him do whatever he wants."
White women who date black men have been subjected to a myriad of stereotypes. (Just as many, arguably, as black women.) Many have been cast as milly-mouthed, gullible, yes-woman who allow their Mandingo warriors to trample them like doormats. They have been depicted as taking care of their men (even when they are jobless, shiftless, and trifling) and have been said to pay their men's bills, let men run up their credit, and all without question or confrontation.
Many black women have convinced themselves that black men who date white chicks, do so because they "can do whatever they want and get away with it." (And you know...."a black woman just won't stand for that!")
Upon closer inspection and personal reflection I think white women and black women, in many cases, are the same. How do you ask? We both love deep and true. We have both been a fool for men at some point. We both have checked men and failed to check men when they needed it!
Moral of the STORY: Don't be the white chick but learn from the white chick.
I know you are thinking WTF???? Is she smoking? Nope. I'm learning how to be a good woman to my man.
White women, black women, POLKA DOT women don't be a stereotypical "white chick"
Maintain standards.... If a man wants you he will meet them .
DON'T be a doormat..... You know when someone is taking advantage... this is a relationship NOT a sponsorship! Don't let kindness be misconstrued for weakness. Love hard and love smart.
Expect to receive.......Men were created to give.... let them do that! (Don't be so eager to give up your body, money, time, love, and soul.) Take it slow and when the time is right whip it on him (with all of the above).
Don't support men without goals, vision, drive or jobs.....Holding him down is one thing but taking care of his ass is another! God said a man who doesn't work shouldn't eat. If he is between jobs more than he is working take a hint and keep it shoving!
God gave you intuition.... Use It. Men cheat, make mistakes, and mess up money but that doesn't always mean they are no-good. They may not have their stuff together (so you might have to step back let him get it right and come back correct) but with some prayer and some time they may have potential. On the other hand men who show no promise of improvement and no desire to become better .... are merely anchors to your ship. (Let them go so that you can set sail).I said all of that to say this: Use what God gave you to determine who is which!
Don't co-sign for ANYBODY....Not your mama or your man. Your credit is yours to protect and in this day and age it is all you have. There is a reason why the person who needs a co-signer can't get credit...(duh..they ARE LIKE CRIME...THEY DO NOT PAY!)
On the other hand learn from the stereotypical "white chick"
Everything is not "trip-worthy".... Don't trip about everything. Why you ask? because most men loathe drama so they will lie, deceive, and omit to avoid it. When you trip about the smallest issue you train your man to do things that eliminate unpleasant situations (including lying and omission) You want your man to be able talk to you and remain candid even when the situation is less than favorable. He should not be afraid to come for you with little stuff for fear you will rip his head off. (Don't get it twisted because there are times that you should completely flip but every time is not that time.)
Learn the power of silence... Simply put, everything does not call for a response. All displeasure does not have to be expressed, and sometimes YOU need to shut up and listen.
Not gullible but vulnerable and open-minded.... So the last 6 men in your life have been dogs... It's completely possible that the 7th and present man is just who God sent to bless your life. Don't bring your baggage into new relationships. Don't make your new man pay for the mistakes of the old ones. Don't expect and anticipate the worst. Let him love you. Give him the benefit of the doubt until he proves otherwise.
Timing is everything....Don't meet him at the door with drama but instead with a smile and open arms. Feed him before you give him bad news (a full belly covers a multitude of sins). Give him a chance to vent without adding your "two cents" sometimes he is not asking for your advice, input or opinion... He just wants you to listen.
Hold him down (and don't hold it against him)..... If you can support him do it (and don't ever throw it up in his face.) You don't have to support him through a job loss, career change, illegitimate child or any other drama but if YOU do reconcile yourself to do so willingly and cheerfully (as possible). Pray about it, forgive him and hold him down (if you so chose.) You don't have an obligation to please him but you do have an obligation to please HIM (God) Think long and hard about the decision to stay or go, live with it and don't punish him for your choice.
(Disclaimer: Sometimes short term situations morph into permenant situations. Just because you initially signed on to hold him down doesn't mean you have to support him in perpetuity. Be weary of men with "pipe dreams" and limit your support to a reasonable period of time. You are here to support not create dependency.)
Are you actin like a White Chick..........
and that's mytoosense!
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
GET OVER THE "D"
Verse of the Day
But if any place[or person] refuses to welcome you or listen to you, shake its dust from your feet as you leave to show that you have abandoned those people to their fate.
-Mark 6:11 (New Living Translation)
Affirmation/Quote of the Day
A Woman Should
By: Maya Angelou
Maya Angelou: Every woman should…..
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …
enough money within her control to move out
and rent a place of her own, even if she never wants to or needs to…
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..
something perfect to wear if the employer, or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour…
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..
a youth she’s content to leave behind….
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …
a past juicy enough that she’s looking forward to
retelling it in her old age….
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …..
a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra…
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .
one friend who always makes her laugh… and one who lets her cry…
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ….
a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family…
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal, that will make her guests feel honored…
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …
a feeling of control over her destiny.
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
how to fall in love without losing herself.
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
how to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
when to try harder… and WHEN TO WALK AWAY…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
that she can’t change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
that her childhood may not have been perfect…but its over…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
what she would and wouldn’t do for love or more…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
how to live alone… even if she doesn’t like it…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW..
whom she can trust,
whom she can’t,
and why she shouldn’t take it personally…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
where to go…
be it to her best friend’s kitchen table…
or a charming inn in the woods…
when her soul needs soothing…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
what she can and can’t accomplish in a day…
a month…and a year…
So ladies I have spent the first couple of weeks blogging about ways we as women can improve ourselves. I have intentionally shied away from the juicier subjects like sex, men, baby mama (or daddy) drama, etc.
My strategy was to help women develop themselves so that when we got ready to deal with the "other stuff" we were stronger personally and better equipped to make healthy decisions about the unhealthy junk in our lives.
Today's blog is dedicated to every woman who has ever been stuck (or who is currently stuck) on a man that she shouldn't have been.
I have FOUR WORDS FOR YOU: "Get OVER the "D"
Now don't go gettin all sadidity on me YOU KNOW what the "D" is and you know the power it can have over you if you are not careful. The bible gives us a clear definition on what true love is. If you relationship does not embody those things, doesn't not resemble, mirror or even have an essence of those characteristics.....THEN IT IS NOT LOVE....in the sense that GOD intended it to be.
What does that mean? It's time for your to get over the "D" and move on so that God can bless you with the kind of love he intended for you.
Just so we are clear on the definition of Love:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. I Corinthians 13:4-7
Just so we are clear Love is not:
-His ability to hit "the spot" (no matter how many times he makes you feel good)
-The BMW 750 he's letting you drive
-Paying your light bill or your rent
-Lying (because he loves you too much to tell the truth)
-Making irresponsible choices that put your health, livelihood, or well-being in jeopardy
-Cheating
-Putting his hands on you
-Constantly placing you at the bottom of his list of priorities
-Being unsupportive of your goals, ambitions, and dreams (especially when they are not in line with his)
-can not be perfected by an unsaved man!
Now don't get me wrong YOU are not perfect so please don't look for a perfect man!! HE DOESN'T EXIST! Everybody falls short and makes mistakes and in my opinion every person is entitled to 1 "GET OUT OF JAIL FREE"CARD. In life "ish" happens. People cheat, lie, steal, deceive and that doesn't mean that they don't truly love you.
A repetitive pattern of unloving conduct, however, is a PROBLEM. An unwillingness to compromise, improve, and/ or consider the needs, wants, desires, and pleasures of your mate is a sign that "Love doesn't live here anymore!" Heed the warnings!
Just so you know. There can be no mutual love between YOU and
-some one's husband
(HELLO he is married to her. He publicly professed his love for her in front of family, friends, and GOD yet he is willing to cheat with you...... If he did that to her, How do you think he's apt to treat you.)
-someone else's man
(Again Karma is a bitch if he is choosing her in public and you behind closed the doors, that's an issue. Men are proud creatures! If he is not proud of you, you better reflect on that choice.)
Men do what they want to do so if they want to leave, their woman, kids, mama, homeboys, or nobody else can stop them from leaving where they are and coming to you.
LISTEN TO YOUR GUT!!!! If it doesn't feel right and your bones....let it GO!!!!!!
Let go of all the excuses:
-He pays my bills
-He's soooooo Fine
-He's irresistible
-I'm scared
-I don't like to sleep alone
-He loves my kids'
-The "D" is sooo Good
SOOOOOOOOO What!
God will keep you. Protect you. Provide you. Hold you. Console you.
Don't let Mr. "D" stand in the way of Mr. "Right".
Let Go of the "D". Move on and Move Up!!!
And that's MYtooSENSE!!!
TTFN
But if any place[or person] refuses to welcome you or listen to you, shake its dust from your feet as you leave to show that you have abandoned those people to their fate.
-Mark 6:11 (New Living Translation)
Affirmation/Quote of the Day
A Woman Should
By: Maya Angelou
Maya Angelou: Every woman should…..
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …
enough money within her control to move out
and rent a place of her own, even if she never wants to or needs to…
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..
something perfect to wear if the employer, or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour…
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..
a youth she’s content to leave behind….
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …
a past juicy enough that she’s looking forward to
retelling it in her old age….
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …..
a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra…
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .
one friend who always makes her laugh… and one who lets her cry…
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ….
a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family…
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal, that will make her guests feel honored…
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …
a feeling of control over her destiny.
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
how to fall in love without losing herself.
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
how to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
when to try harder… and WHEN TO WALK AWAY…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
that she can’t change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
that her childhood may not have been perfect…but its over…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
what she would and wouldn’t do for love or more…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
how to live alone… even if she doesn’t like it…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW..
whom she can trust,
whom she can’t,
and why she shouldn’t take it personally…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
where to go…
be it to her best friend’s kitchen table…
or a charming inn in the woods…
when her soul needs soothing…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
what she can and can’t accomplish in a day…
a month…and a year…
So ladies I have spent the first couple of weeks blogging about ways we as women can improve ourselves. I have intentionally shied away from the juicier subjects like sex, men, baby mama (or daddy) drama, etc.
My strategy was to help women develop themselves so that when we got ready to deal with the "other stuff" we were stronger personally and better equipped to make healthy decisions about the unhealthy junk in our lives.
Today's blog is dedicated to every woman who has ever been stuck (or who is currently stuck) on a man that she shouldn't have been.
I have FOUR WORDS FOR YOU: "Get OVER the "D"
Now don't go gettin all sadidity on me YOU KNOW what the "D" is and you know the power it can have over you if you are not careful. The bible gives us a clear definition on what true love is. If you relationship does not embody those things, doesn't not resemble, mirror or even have an essence of those characteristics.....THEN IT IS NOT LOVE....in the sense that GOD intended it to be.
What does that mean? It's time for your to get over the "D" and move on so that God can bless you with the kind of love he intended for you.
Just so we are clear on the definition of Love:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. I Corinthians 13:4-7
Just so we are clear Love is not:
-His ability to hit "the spot" (no matter how many times he makes you feel good)
-The BMW 750 he's letting you drive
-Paying your light bill or your rent
-Lying (because he loves you too much to tell the truth)
-Making irresponsible choices that put your health, livelihood, or well-being in jeopardy
-Cheating
-Putting his hands on you
-Constantly placing you at the bottom of his list of priorities
-Being unsupportive of your goals, ambitions, and dreams (especially when they are not in line with his)
-can not be perfected by an unsaved man!
Now don't get me wrong YOU are not perfect so please don't look for a perfect man!! HE DOESN'T EXIST! Everybody falls short and makes mistakes and in my opinion every person is entitled to 1 "GET OUT OF JAIL FREE"CARD. In life "ish" happens. People cheat, lie, steal, deceive and that doesn't mean that they don't truly love you.
A repetitive pattern of unloving conduct, however, is a PROBLEM. An unwillingness to compromise, improve, and/ or consider the needs, wants, desires, and pleasures of your mate is a sign that "Love doesn't live here anymore!" Heed the warnings!
Just so you know. There can be no mutual love between YOU and
-some one's husband
(HELLO he is married to her. He publicly professed his love for her in front of family, friends, and GOD yet he is willing to cheat with you...... If he did that to her, How do you think he's apt to treat you.)
-someone else's man
(Again Karma is a bitch if he is choosing her in public and you behind closed the doors, that's an issue. Men are proud creatures! If he is not proud of you, you better reflect on that choice.)
Men do what they want to do so if they want to leave, their woman, kids, mama, homeboys, or nobody else can stop them from leaving where they are and coming to you.
LISTEN TO YOUR GUT!!!! If it doesn't feel right and your bones....let it GO!!!!!!
Let go of all the excuses:
-He pays my bills
-He's soooooo Fine
-He's irresistible
-I'm scared
-I don't like to sleep alone
-He loves my kids'
-The "D" is sooo Good
SOOOOOOOOO What!
God will keep you. Protect you. Provide you. Hold you. Console you.
Don't let Mr. "D" stand in the way of Mr. "Right".
Let Go of the "D". Move on and Move Up!!!
And that's MYtooSENSE!!!
TTFN
I been trippin
Ok I know I have been slacking on my blogs. BUT I'M BACK LADIES. STAY TUNED MORE TO COME TODAY!
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
VISION IS SEEING PAST TODAY
VERSE OF THE DAY
Write the vision and make it plain.
- Habukkuk 2:2
QUOTE OF THE DAY
Vision without ACTION is a dream. Action without VISION is simply passing time. ACTION with VISION is making a positive difference. -Joel Barker
So life has been kicking my tail (but what else is new). Over the past few days I have frankly not been in the mood to blog or encourage anyone. I was completely tripping and COMPLETELY contrary to the advice I have given you, I had a 3 day pity party. Just about the time I was ready to bail on blogging (because I was questioning whether I was even in a position to tell anybody anything about anything) God gave me a reality check.
The truth is that I am blessed beyond measure. I couldn't see it at the time but, it only took a split second of admonishment from God to see that in comparison to others I don't have a thing in the world to complain about.
I came to the conclusion that I had let my sight cloud my vision. You may ask what I mean so let me explain.
Sight is what I can tangibly see in front of me. My immediate needs, issues, problems, blessings, and accomplishments.
Vision is what I see for myself through faith and in accordance with God's promise for my life.
In the wake of a horrible economy and dealing with day-to-day drama it is very easy to let sight outshine the vision. Take a moment to evaluate your life in comparison to most of the world's plight and I am sure you too, will see that your current plight is not as bad as it seems.
Keep your eyes on the vision. Continue to move toward your destiny. Be vigilant the devil is looking to abort your purpose in life. Just when you think your life can't get worse, check your self, google current events, and see how blessed you really are.
We are empowering ourselves in 2010 and the journey begins within!
That's MYtooSENSE!
TTFN
Write the vision and make it plain.
- Habukkuk 2:2
QUOTE OF THE DAY
Vision without ACTION is a dream. Action without VISION is simply passing time. ACTION with VISION is making a positive difference. -Joel Barker
So life has been kicking my tail (but what else is new). Over the past few days I have frankly not been in the mood to blog or encourage anyone. I was completely tripping and COMPLETELY contrary to the advice I have given you, I had a 3 day pity party. Just about the time I was ready to bail on blogging (because I was questioning whether I was even in a position to tell anybody anything about anything) God gave me a reality check.
The truth is that I am blessed beyond measure. I couldn't see it at the time but, it only took a split second of admonishment from God to see that in comparison to others I don't have a thing in the world to complain about.
I came to the conclusion that I had let my sight cloud my vision. You may ask what I mean so let me explain.
Sight is what I can tangibly see in front of me. My immediate needs, issues, problems, blessings, and accomplishments.
Vision is what I see for myself through faith and in accordance with God's promise for my life.
In the wake of a horrible economy and dealing with day-to-day drama it is very easy to let sight outshine the vision. Take a moment to evaluate your life in comparison to most of the world's plight and I am sure you too, will see that your current plight is not as bad as it seems.
Keep your eyes on the vision. Continue to move toward your destiny. Be vigilant the devil is looking to abort your purpose in life. Just when you think your life can't get worse, check your self, google current events, and see how blessed you really are.
We are empowering ourselves in 2010 and the journey begins within!
That's MYtooSENSE!
TTFN
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Epiphany
Ok ladies this is the deal..I initially started blogging for one reason and one reason only. I want to empower women to move beyond mistake, circumstance or mishap to a better place. It dawned on me that everytime I share my experiences I am working through my own issues and hang ups. So first let me say thank you because through you I am becoming a better me too! Secondly, with that being said as I blog I grow and today it dawned on me that my choice of words from time to time may be leading some of my sisters astray. I blog my thoughts pure uncut, unrehearsed, unedited and straight from the heart. My faith walk falls short daily and my blog reflects that. In fact that's the point. I want women to know that there is someone out there going through things and actually making it through Better and stronger. Somebody that is praying and cussing in the same breath, progressing in one area and falling short in another but getting better with each new journey and experience. I am not afraid to share my shortfalls if it will keep my sisters from making the same mistakes but at the same time I don't want my candid delivery to make anyone think that the things I do should be lauded or emulated (no matter how favorable the outcome was in my case.) Truthfully I show you where I am at so you can see that you can start where ever you are! I had a friend ask me the other day why I chose to curse and quote scripture in the same breath on my blog or why I choose to share so many personal stories and I replied because this is me. This is where I am at today. With that being said as I grow and blossom so will my entries. I hope you will join me as we grow this year. My personal goals are to tackle my tongue (caus I cuss that's just what I do!) and to become healthier. What are your goals this year?
MYtooSENSE (don't knock it til you try it!)
We are growing and stretching in 2010 and that journey begins within!
TTFN
MYtooSENSE (don't knock it til you try it!)
We are growing and stretching in 2010 and that journey begins within!
TTFN
words of wisdom on wealth
"If your out-go is more than your in-come, then your up-keep is your down-fall and you need to down-size!"
- E. Tarrell Bennett
Living within your means is a great step toward financial independence and wealth creation!
And that's MYtooSENSE!
TTFN
- E. Tarrell Bennett
Living within your means is a great step toward financial independence and wealth creation!
And that's MYtooSENSE!
TTFN
Friday, January 8, 2010
The Colgate Jiggle- A true story
From time to time I will post random thoughts or share personal stories that I find to be funny, helpful, or just too good not to share.
So this morning, I was standing in the mirror doing my daily routine (cause I'm a lil OCD in that I like to do the same thing in the same organized way daily..... when something throws me off I end up leaving the house with slippers on or discovering I forgot to put on deodorant after it is too late.....lmbo)
As I digress, so I was standing there [in the mirror] (in the undies) brushing my teeth and it dawned on me that my whole doggone body was jiggling as I was brushing. I thought to myself, self this was did not happen before I went to law school, WHAT HAPPENED?
And then I answered myself... Golden Oreos happened, neckbones happened, no exercise happened, Reisling happened, happy hour happened. SH** JUST HAPPENED and here I am bigger than I was at 9 months pregnant. Granted I was 20 then and I am 28 now but that is no excuse. (No don't get it twisted I am still fine and fly) but healthy, not so much!!! I realized right then, that while I am confident in my image; I am not happy with the life choices I have made in regards to my health.
If I can't move my feet, I can't accomplish my goals. I gotta be healthy to pull off this thing called destiny.
Moral of the story: If you know there is something you should be doing for yourself, and you aren't, start today. I know, I know no time on the calendar. You gotta cut something out and schedule yourself in. You are worth it! YOU will feel much better about yourself once you start to fix the things you don't like about yourself.
Today I am going to start working on the "colgate jiggle". I may not be able to get to the gym 5 days a week or go on the latest diet. but I can eat one cookie instead of two, take the steps instead of the elevator, choose the apple over the baguette at Panera, and skip happy hour every other week and meet my girls for a mall stroll instead.
If you hate it change it. We are making the change in 2010 and that journey begins within!
TTFN.
So this morning, I was standing in the mirror doing my daily routine (cause I'm a lil OCD in that I like to do the same thing in the same organized way daily..... when something throws me off I end up leaving the house with slippers on or discovering I forgot to put on deodorant after it is too late.....lmbo)
As I digress, so I was standing there [in the mirror] (in the undies) brushing my teeth and it dawned on me that my whole doggone body was jiggling as I was brushing. I thought to myself, self this was did not happen before I went to law school, WHAT HAPPENED?
And then I answered myself... Golden Oreos happened, neckbones happened, no exercise happened, Reisling happened, happy hour happened. SH** JUST HAPPENED and here I am bigger than I was at 9 months pregnant. Granted I was 20 then and I am 28 now but that is no excuse. (No don't get it twisted I am still fine and fly) but healthy, not so much!!! I realized right then, that while I am confident in my image; I am not happy with the life choices I have made in regards to my health.
If I can't move my feet, I can't accomplish my goals. I gotta be healthy to pull off this thing called destiny.
Moral of the story: If you know there is something you should be doing for yourself, and you aren't, start today. I know, I know no time on the calendar. You gotta cut something out and schedule yourself in. You are worth it! YOU will feel much better about yourself once you start to fix the things you don't like about yourself.
Today I am going to start working on the "colgate jiggle". I may not be able to get to the gym 5 days a week or go on the latest diet. but I can eat one cookie instead of two, take the steps instead of the elevator, choose the apple over the baguette at Panera, and skip happy hour every other week and meet my girls for a mall stroll instead.
If you hate it change it. We are making the change in 2010 and that journey begins within!
TTFN.
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